Belonging to The Land

November 27, 2007

One of the things that struck me as odd when I first got to Kazakstan was that whenever someone asked me where I was from, and I would answer, “America, they would then reply, “no, where are you from? I am Kazak. What are you?” To them it was not a satisfactory answer to say I am an American, they wanted to know my family was from. To the people of Kazakstan ethnic identity the idea of belonging to a place is very important. There are dozens of ethnic groups living in Kazakstan and they more or less get along very well, however, unlike in the United States where everyone says they are American, they always identify themselves by their ethnicity and cultural traditions be it Kazak, Korean, Russian, Chechneyan, Uzbek, Krygyz, Chinese, or Ukrainian. They all belong somewhere, even if they are no longer there. For an American this is somewhat difficult to understand, but to use me and my fellow Irish as an example, on those standardized tests white would not be an adequate choice, and St. Patrick’s Day would be more than just about drinking beer and a fun parade.

You might wonder how all of these groups that refuse to accept a common identity get along so well, and I will admit there are tensions, but they are not nearly as high as the tensions in the United States between groups that claim the same cultural identity. Actually, some of the most noticeable tension I have noticed was between groups of the Kazaks, those who stayed in Kazakstan during the upheaval of the 1990s and those who left to live in Uzbekistan but have now returned. As I mentioned previously, the idea of a homeland is very important to the people of this country, especially the Kazaks, and many have a hard time fathoming that anyone would want to abandon their homeland, even in the face of starvation. Those who stayed derisively refer to the group who left and then came back as the Auromai, or “the deserters” and accuse them of opportunism. They say that they abandoned Kazakstan when it was in trouble, but now that the tables have turned and it is Kazakstan that is doing well and Uzbekistan they have returned. That might be true for some, but for many of those that I have met, they truly missed Kazakstan and simply wanted to come back now that they felt it was safe to return.

Anyway, as I was saying earlier, when I first got here I found this line of questioning to be strange and uncomfortable, kind of like when people in Texas asked me what church I went to three seconds after getting my name. Over time though I have become used to it and it has made me think, where is it that I belong? Maybe my love of travel is a sign that I have long since ceased to feel at home where I grew up, and I have yet to find a new place. My students and friends here often ask me if I am ever homesick, and I can honestly reply that I am not. To be sure, I miss my family and friend, but when I finished college I was ready to get out and go. I had no desire to stay in North Carolina or Texas, and I certainly have no desire to return. I cannot speak for other Peace Corps Volunteers, but for right now Kazakstan is my home and I like living here. Furthermore, while I do not imagine myself “going native” as some RPCVs have done, I also do not imagine myself staying in the United States. Who knows, I might even take the advice of my Kazak friends and return to the homeland. After all, as the Auromai show, we never stop missing it no matter how long we are gone.