Being Kazakh Means Never Having to Say Your Sorry

February 25, 2009

A few of my local friends have a new joke. When asked how well I speak Kazakh they respond, “ote zhaksy, ol ‘keshiriniz’ tamasha aitady,” which roughly translates to, “very well, he says ‘excuse me’ perfectly.” My mother used to say that I apologized too much, and it seems that even when speaking a foreign language I cannot break the habit. I am not the only one guilty of this verbal tic, however, and locals have noticed this tendency to be overly apologetic in my site mates as well. At first I thought that this might be the result of a subconscious sense of vulnerability due to our living in a very different country, but we have been here for a year and a half with no problems. Furthermore, according to Kazakhs at least, we say excuse me too much even when we are on our own turf. One local friend who studied in America even has a story about how he once bumped into someone walking down the street in Philadelphia, and then to his amazement, the person he bumped into turned around and apologized to him!

Americans are also apparently too grateful. Locals are amazed at how often we say “thank you.” While in America you might say thank you whenever someone passes you something at the dinner table, or opens the door for you, such behavior is considered bizarre here in Kazakhstan. One friend even remarked recently, “why did you say thank you when that policeman gave you back your passports? They weren’t a gift, they’re your passports!” Furthermore, this tendency to say thank you is sometimes not only considered strange, but rude as well. For Kazakhs, serving tea or food to guests is a natural and fundamental part of being host. Thus, when you thank them for handing you your teacup, you may mistakenly give them the sense that you did not expect them to do so, thus unintentionally insulting their sense of hospitality. Even in restaurants or cafes it often seems that the friendlier you are, the less friendly the waitress, and conversely, the terser you are, the politer the waitress. In fact, the times that I have had the best service at a café were my worst days when I was surly and impatient.

This does not mean that Kazakhs are not polite, in fact in some ways their hospitality outstrips what you will encounter in the U.SA, they just have different ways of expressing it. For example, Kazakhs might not apologize to you when they bump into you on the street, but few Americans would put together the kind of spread that a Kazakh regularly puts together just to entertain one or two guests. Ultimately, if you happen to travel to Kazakhstan in the near future, I advise you to be patient, especially in regards to communication gaps, hungry for all the food they will shove in your face, and slightly less vocal to how much you enjoy it.