A Different Kind of Peer Pressure

January 18, 2008
A Different Kind of Peer Pressure

In the past five months that I have been living in Kazakstan, I have come to realize that while peer pressure is definitely universal, the things that one is pressured to do varies widely depending on the country or culture you are interacting with. For example, in America, I, as was the case with most people my age, was most often pressured to drink or use drugs, but here in Kazakstan the biggest pressure is to get married. A person is pressured in two ways, the obvious and aggressive pressure that you encounter when meeting new people, and the more subtle pressure that a person feels on a daily basis. The obvious pressure that I refer to is the fact that the fourth question that every Kazak asks you when you are introduced is whether or not you are married, and if you answer no, then the fifth question is why not. Sometimes, such as in the case wirh my Kazak tutor, the aggressive peer pressure never stops. In the past five months I believe that we have had at least 15 conversations where she mentioned that I should get married soon. She was 18 and her husband was 22 when they got married, so I can see where she is coming from, but still it is somewhat strange to be so strongly encouraged to head to the altar. I imagine that this pressure is even worse for female volunteers, who at 22-28 years old are in serious danger of becoming old maids from the Kazak perspective.

Thankfully this overt pressure to find a wife is not that common, more often one simply faces more subtle pressure that comes from the fact that almost every person my age in this country is married and has a kid. It is hard to form friendships with host country nationals my age when they are unable to go to the cafe and hang out after work because they have to go home and cook dinner or pick up the kids from school. A recent article in the NY Times discussed how marriage and having kids can effect friendships and it is definitely true. My closest friends here in Kyzylorda are definitely the other volunteers, not only because we speak the same language, but because we are all single. My collegues are all nice people, especially the few men that I work with, but they have a whole other set of issues to deal with, and most of time it is couples hanging out with each other, it is fairly rare to see a group of guys my age out for a quick beer at the café without their wives. Forget about being a fifth wheel, I am not sure it is even possible to connect yourself to the friendship wagon if you are single. That said, it has only been a few months, and I have already made a few local friends so I am not that worried. Still, I have to admit that I never thought that an obstacle to integrating into the community and making friends would be my marital status.