How to Survive a Kazak Dinner Party

June 5, 2008

I have talked about going to parties before in other posts, but I do not think that I have gone into enough detail to give a true picture of the fascinating social institution that is the Kazak dinner party. Kazak dinner parties are also known as Konocks or Dasterhans because Konock is the Kazak word for guest and Dasterhan is Kazak for table cloth or spread. These parties always follow the same formula. The first course is the salad, which is usually my favorite because there are at least three different kinds, and you are guaranteed to have fresh vegetables other than potatoes. This is followed by the main course which is usually either Beshparmak or Plov. Then, there is sometimes a short break for digestion and to clean the table before tea with desserts and fruit. Of course, it would not be a Kazak party if drinking was not involved. Throughout the dinner, eating is occasionally interrupted by a series of toasts, and these toasts can really lengthen the evening because every person has to give one. Like the dinner party itself, toast giving is pretty formulaic. You thank the host, offer him general wishes for good health and happiness, tell everyone that you are drinking for friendship or peace, etc. and then take a shot of vodka. If you have a good toast master that keeps things moving along, toasting can be kind of fun, but it can be real stressful when you are still learning Kazak and struggling to come up with something original to say, a process made even more difficult if your toast comes late in the festivities. Also, guests are often expected to give some sort of performance like singing a song or maybe even dancing. After everyone has toasted and had enough chai the meal draws to a close, but not before the oldest male guest at the table has performed the prayer. Even then, the party is not necessarily over, and many konocks are followed by dancing in the living room or even in some cases, Karaoke.

Having laid out the general formula then I offer the following advice for surviving the Kazak dinner party.
1. Skip lunch. You will eat so much food at the Kazak dinner party that not only will you make up for not eating earlier, but you might not even need breakfast the next day. Not only are the main courses gigantic, but there are tons of other things to nibble on throughout the evening, like nuts, salads, cheeses, meats, and fruits so I guarantee that you will be full.

2. Eat a lot. Do not worry about eating too much, the food is delicious, healthy, and you can always go to the gym tomorrow. Furthermore, your host will continuously tell you to eat, eat, and you risk hurting their feelings if you do not. Finally, the fuller the stomach the less likely you are to get embarrassingly drunk of the seven or eight shots you will be expected to take.

3. Learn a little Kazak. Even if you are fluent in Russian, Kazak toasts need to be made in Kazak. You do not need to learn that much though. As I mentioned, toasts are formulaic and going with the standard often goes over a lot better than trying to speak from the heart.

4. Have a talent
As I mentioned before, guests are often expected to sing or offer some other entertainment, and it is best if that skill is genuine. For example, last week in Alga, my so-called friends told everyone that I could do an Irish jig, and so I was then obligated to perform a farcical imitation. Fortunately, thanks to the fact that they had never seen the genuine article, and their belief that everyone of Irish ancestry knows how to do it, my Kazak audience bought it hook, line, and sinker. Still, it would have been much better if I could actually perform the real dance, or if, like one of the other volunteers in attendance, I could sing beautiful Kazak and Russian songs.

I hope people find it helpful, even if they might never have need for it. Hopefully though, you will have the chance to put it into use, because while the toasting can be tedious, the food is delicious, and the Konock or Dasterhan is one of the most interesting and important cultural experiences to be had in Kazakhstan.