February 16, 2008
Valentine’s Day was the fifth holiday that I have celebrated here in Kazakhstan, and unlike the others, I observed this one pretty traditionally. We held the Valentine’s Day party that I talked about in the last post, and I have to say that despite my worries the day before, it went really well. Everyone had a lot of fun, and we raised over 6,000 tenge for the local orphanage. The play also went well, and I am proud to say that despite the incredibly complex grammar they used when writing my lines, I was able to memorize my part. Chris, Cho, and I did our best to help out, but really all the credit for the parties success go to my T.A. Aigarum and her sister, Chris’s student, Gulshot. They were able to find and negotiate the space, as well as wrote the script for the play and found most of the performers. The guys are now trying to plan a Woman’s Day party, and I honestly wonder how we are going to accomplish it without their input.
After the show was over, there was a short dance, and then we went out to dinner to celebrate its success. I had never seen anyone get drunk on tea before, but between not having slept in three days due to school and work, as well as putting four cubes of sugar in each cup of tea, Aigarum somehow managed it, and all in all it was the most fun Valentine’s Day I have had in a long while. While last year found me in my dorm room studying and gripping about the fact that once again I was single on February 14th, this year I was laughing and relaxing with ten close friends. I think part of the reason I had such a good time was the nature of Valentine’s Day observance here in Kazakhstan. Whereas in America, Valentine’s Day is a day for couples and lovers, in Kazakhstan Valentine’s Day is also for friends and groups. For example, at the resturant where we had dinner, there were very few couples eating alone. Most people were eating in large groups. I guess that part of the reason for this is the fact that public displays of love and romance are not that widespread here in Kazakhstan, and that when people celebrate they prefer to hold large Konnaks with toasting and lots of food. This way of celebrating valentine’s day might seem a bit strange for some Americans, especially those who, like me, grew up on sappy Hallmark and Zales diamond commericals that put forth the idea that if you did not have that special someone in your life, than Valentine’s Day was not for you. This difference is definitely positive one though, and a change that I plan on bringing back to America. Now more than ever, Valentine’s Day needs to be about more than just the romantic, passionate love between two people. It also needs to be about the platonic, but steadfast love that exists between friends and neighbors. I know that this idea will not sell has many cards and flowers, but I think that ultimately it will make the world a better place.
воскресенье, 17 февраля 2008 г.
What Would GLAAD Say
February 8, 2008
A few weeks ago, Contact Club, a local English Training/Community Service Organization that Cho, Chris, and I work with here in Kyzylorda decided to have a Valentine’s Day Party/Show to advertise and raise some money for other Community Projects. The party is going to be in Kazak and Russian so more people will come and will have singing, dancing, and even a short Valentine’s Day play, a very loose adaptation of Romeo and Juliet written by some members of Contact Club. I am playing the Shaman who sends Romeo and his friend Mercutio off to the big city with good wishes and a pair of magic balloons that when popped, will make anyone who hates you fall in love with you instead. Inevitably, Romeo and Juliet fall in love, but in a surprise twist, Mercutio and Tibilt also get together and everyone lives happily ever after. At first, I was surprised by our local scriptwriters’ choice to include an alternative relationship, but as I became more familiar with the script I realized that it was not a politically correct as I thought. Whereas Romeo and Juliet fall in love the “old-fashioned way,” Tibilt and Mercutio only get together because of the magic balloons. It is almost as if to say that heterosexual love is natural and expected, but homosexual love is unnatural and only occurs due to “magic” or some other outside influence.
The play is otherwise very funny, and I may be reading too much into it, but it is also another reminder that Kazak culture has a ways to go in regards to gender issues and rights. I have talked earlier about how Kazakhstan is similar in many ways to a 1950’s America, and the Kazak attitude towards homosexuality is a prime example. While there is not much fear or hostility towards gays and bisexuals, there is no acceptance either. In fact, many Kazaks claim that there are absolutely no homosexuals in Kazakhstan. This is definitely part of the country’s Muslim culture that I will have to live with, but it is sometimes difficult to understand when one come from a country that is on the cusp of a major and long time coming breakthrough for civil rights with the likely election of either Barak Obama or Hilary Clinton and the gradual acceptance of alternative lifestyles both in society and under the law. Granted, this issue is not one that effects me personally, but I find myself wondering how volunteers working in Kazakhstan who are gay are dealing with living and working in a culture that likes to pretend they do not exist. How much “cultural bridge building” are they able to accomplish when they are not able to express a major aspect of their personality? Furthermore, I have bemoaned the fact that I will probably not get a date for the next couple of years, but I can only imagine what it must feel like to risk your job or even your safety just for asking someone out on a date. Kazakhstan definitely has a lot going for it, and as a Peace Corps volunteer I am proud of the fact that I am helping it to achieve that potential. I just hope that Kazakhstan does not follow America’s example and take fifty years to make any substantive change on this issue.
A few weeks ago, Contact Club, a local English Training/Community Service Organization that Cho, Chris, and I work with here in Kyzylorda decided to have a Valentine’s Day Party/Show to advertise and raise some money for other Community Projects. The party is going to be in Kazak and Russian so more people will come and will have singing, dancing, and even a short Valentine’s Day play, a very loose adaptation of Romeo and Juliet written by some members of Contact Club. I am playing the Shaman who sends Romeo and his friend Mercutio off to the big city with good wishes and a pair of magic balloons that when popped, will make anyone who hates you fall in love with you instead. Inevitably, Romeo and Juliet fall in love, but in a surprise twist, Mercutio and Tibilt also get together and everyone lives happily ever after. At first, I was surprised by our local scriptwriters’ choice to include an alternative relationship, but as I became more familiar with the script I realized that it was not a politically correct as I thought. Whereas Romeo and Juliet fall in love the “old-fashioned way,” Tibilt and Mercutio only get together because of the magic balloons. It is almost as if to say that heterosexual love is natural and expected, but homosexual love is unnatural and only occurs due to “magic” or some other outside influence.
The play is otherwise very funny, and I may be reading too much into it, but it is also another reminder that Kazak culture has a ways to go in regards to gender issues and rights. I have talked earlier about how Kazakhstan is similar in many ways to a 1950’s America, and the Kazak attitude towards homosexuality is a prime example. While there is not much fear or hostility towards gays and bisexuals, there is no acceptance either. In fact, many Kazaks claim that there are absolutely no homosexuals in Kazakhstan. This is definitely part of the country’s Muslim culture that I will have to live with, but it is sometimes difficult to understand when one come from a country that is on the cusp of a major and long time coming breakthrough for civil rights with the likely election of either Barak Obama or Hilary Clinton and the gradual acceptance of alternative lifestyles both in society and under the law. Granted, this issue is not one that effects me personally, but I find myself wondering how volunteers working in Kazakhstan who are gay are dealing with living and working in a culture that likes to pretend they do not exist. How much “cultural bridge building” are they able to accomplish when they are not able to express a major aspect of their personality? Furthermore, I have bemoaned the fact that I will probably not get a date for the next couple of years, but I can only imagine what it must feel like to risk your job or even your safety just for asking someone out on a date. Kazakhstan definitely has a lot going for it, and as a Peace Corps volunteer I am proud of the fact that I am helping it to achieve that potential. I just hope that Kazakhstan does not follow America’s example and take fifty years to make any substantive change on this issue.
воскресенье, 3 февраля 2008 г.
Suddenly that Bowl Haircut Makes Sense.
February 2, 2008
Note: Thanks for those that read this and told me about some much needed corrections!
For the last few Kazak lessons, my tutor and I have been discussing Kazak culture and how it differs from American Culture. This is great because I am able practice my speaking and listening skills, and at the same time we have an interesting cultural exchange. Yesterday, one thing that came up was the traditional Kazak haircut that I like to call the “locket.” It involves shaving the kids head except for a single lock of hair on the back of the head for boys or two locks of hair on the sides for girls. According to my tutor, the reason for this haircut was that it helped protect the child from illness. The only time you still see this haircut is in movies about Genghis Khan, but in the old days people actually believed that if someone looked at the face of a beautiful child too much, the child would become sick. Thus, they cut their hair this strange way so that the person would look at their hair and not at the kid. At first I thought this idea was rather strange. After all, even if they are only looking at the haircut, they are still looking the kid. I realize now though that we have a similar haircut in America, the bowl cut. What other explanation for that horrible haircut can you come up with? If easiness and convenience were the issue, why not just give the kid a buzz cut. No, the fact of the matter is those parents were trying to protect their children from “eye energy.” I am pretty sure that x-ray vision only exists in the comic books, but regardless, I am glad that my mom did not give me a protective haircut. I understand and appreciate the cultural traditions and belief behind the “locket,” but for kids, risking sickness from the evil eye is much less harrowing than the risk of ridicule from their peers.
Note: Thanks for those that read this and told me about some much needed corrections!
For the last few Kazak lessons, my tutor and I have been discussing Kazak culture and how it differs from American Culture. This is great because I am able practice my speaking and listening skills, and at the same time we have an interesting cultural exchange. Yesterday, one thing that came up was the traditional Kazak haircut that I like to call the “locket.” It involves shaving the kids head except for a single lock of hair on the back of the head for boys or two locks of hair on the sides for girls. According to my tutor, the reason for this haircut was that it helped protect the child from illness. The only time you still see this haircut is in movies about Genghis Khan, but in the old days people actually believed that if someone looked at the face of a beautiful child too much, the child would become sick. Thus, they cut their hair this strange way so that the person would look at their hair and not at the kid. At first I thought this idea was rather strange. After all, even if they are only looking at the haircut, they are still looking the kid. I realize now though that we have a similar haircut in America, the bowl cut. What other explanation for that horrible haircut can you come up with? If easiness and convenience were the issue, why not just give the kid a buzz cut. No, the fact of the matter is those parents were trying to protect their children from “eye energy.” I am pretty sure that x-ray vision only exists in the comic books, but regardless, I am glad that my mom did not give me a protective haircut. I understand and appreciate the cultural traditions and belief behind the “locket,” but for kids, risking sickness from the evil eye is much less harrowing than the risk of ridicule from their peers.
суббота, 2 февраля 2008 г.
The Peace Corps Weight Loss Plan
January 30, 2008
According to the statistical evidence gathered by the Peace Corps Medical officer here in Kazakhstan, male volunteers usually lose a significant amount of weight. I am not totally sure as to the reasons for one group losing and the other group gaining, but I have definitely seen the evidence first hand. One of my training buddies and current site mate lost 15-20 pounds in the first three months, and he almost began to look malnourished before getting 10 pounds back after he got to site. Female volunteers on the other hand, tend to gain weight. I am not totally sure as to the reason for one group losing weight while the other group gains it, but I as sure that it has a lot to do with the diet.
The diet here is mostly carbohydrates with a good amount of meat as well. Breakfast is usually just bread and tea, and lunch and dinner is usually some combination of pasta and beef. We do eat vegetables, mostly carrots and cabbage, but they are mainly used as a part of diced, mayonnaise filled salad or some sort of vegetable spread. Fruits though, at least during the winter, are almost non-existent. The only time you usually see a lot of them right now is at a party, because while they are available in the south through the winter they are prohibitively expensive for most people, certainly Peace Corps volunteers. Given this diet, I assume that the weight disparity between male and female PCVs is due in part to the fact that men probably eat more meat, while the girls, who are more often the vegetarians, eat more bread and pasta. I have actually gained about five pounds of muscle here because I have tried to keep working out and my protein consumption is so much higher here. That said, while the female volunteers may gain a bit of weight, they do not gain a significant amount because the lifestyle, even for a teacher, is much more physical than that of the average American. People walk a lot more than they do in America, and riding on public transportation is an endurance test.
So let me put out the notice: Are you over 40, with high blood pressure and a body mass index over 25? Then come to Kazakhstan. The Peace Corps use your extensive work experience, and after two years you will be fit, trim, and have a significantly reduced risk for heart disease, hypertension, and an early death. That is, if the air and ambient radiation does not get you first!
According to the statistical evidence gathered by the Peace Corps Medical officer here in Kazakhstan, male volunteers usually lose a significant amount of weight. I am not totally sure as to the reasons for one group losing and the other group gaining, but I have definitely seen the evidence first hand. One of my training buddies and current site mate lost 15-20 pounds in the first three months, and he almost began to look malnourished before getting 10 pounds back after he got to site. Female volunteers on the other hand, tend to gain weight. I am not totally sure as to the reason for one group losing weight while the other group gains it, but I as sure that it has a lot to do with the diet.
The diet here is mostly carbohydrates with a good amount of meat as well. Breakfast is usually just bread and tea, and lunch and dinner is usually some combination of pasta and beef. We do eat vegetables, mostly carrots and cabbage, but they are mainly used as a part of diced, mayonnaise filled salad or some sort of vegetable spread. Fruits though, at least during the winter, are almost non-existent. The only time you usually see a lot of them right now is at a party, because while they are available in the south through the winter they are prohibitively expensive for most people, certainly Peace Corps volunteers. Given this diet, I assume that the weight disparity between male and female PCVs is due in part to the fact that men probably eat more meat, while the girls, who are more often the vegetarians, eat more bread and pasta. I have actually gained about five pounds of muscle here because I have tried to keep working out and my protein consumption is so much higher here. That said, while the female volunteers may gain a bit of weight, they do not gain a significant amount because the lifestyle, even for a teacher, is much more physical than that of the average American. People walk a lot more than they do in America, and riding on public transportation is an endurance test.
So let me put out the notice: Are you over 40, with high blood pressure and a body mass index over 25? Then come to Kazakhstan. The Peace Corps use your extensive work experience, and after two years you will be fit, trim, and have a significantly reduced risk for heart disease, hypertension, and an early death. That is, if the air and ambient radiation does not get you first!
понедельник, 28 января 2008 г.
New Semester, Same Frustrations
January 26, 2008
For the last two weeks I have been busy getting back into the swing of things as we began a new semester her at the College. Last week, was a normal schedule of classes where we reviewed all of the stuff they had been working on before they left that they had forgotten over their five month long break. This week, however, was exams, and I would just like to note that as hard as exams are for students, they are even for teachers. Besides writing and giving three tests of my own, I was blessed with the opportunity to give a four hour long exam with my counterpart, Lazzat. For the exam each student was assigned a text from their book that they had to read, translate, and explain. They then had to “make up a situation” based on a few vocabulary words and talk about a randomly assigned subject. While most of the students did very well, but there were a few (the ones who normally sit in the back of the classroom) that did not, and then it was just painful to watch. They could complete the reading part well enough because they have all been thoroughly trained in phonetics, but when it came time to engage in translation or innovation, they just sat their in silence while Lazzat and I tried desperately to get them started with leading questions. Still, that exam was hardly the most frustrating moment of the week.
On Tuesday, I was scheduled to give a test to my K1D group, but the classroom I normally use was full of another group of students taking an exam. Not knowing where else to go, I brought everyone to “my classroom” that while small, still managed to hold everyone. We were ten minutes into the test when Lazzat came in and told us that the room was the “methodological classroom” where only groups of 20 people or fewer could have a class, and thus my group of 23 would have to leave. We managed to quickly find another classroom, and the students finished the exam, but afterwards I went back to ask Lazzat why we had to move. She said that the methodological classroom was special and needed to be kept clean and as unused as possible because that was where they put on the show when a supervisor or inspector came to look at the school. Then for good measure, she told me that even though it is -20 degrees outside and freezing inside, I should have my students should take off their coats before coming to class because it looks bad. I probably got a little more mad than I should, after all this was just another typical example of the Kazak custom of putting style over substance.
As often as I am impressed by the Kazakstan education system, there are times when I feel that they are more interested in the appearance of learning than actual learning. It is water under the bridge at this point, and I know while my teaching is important, my role as cultural ambassador is even more important. Thus, in the name of building bridges between nations, I will continue to smile, nod, and go to every little secondary school English show that my counterpart drags me to, but all the while I will wonder whether they might be making even more progress in English if they were back in class.
For the last two weeks I have been busy getting back into the swing of things as we began a new semester her at the College. Last week, was a normal schedule of classes where we reviewed all of the stuff they had been working on before they left that they had forgotten over their five month long break. This week, however, was exams, and I would just like to note that as hard as exams are for students, they are even for teachers. Besides writing and giving three tests of my own, I was blessed with the opportunity to give a four hour long exam with my counterpart, Lazzat. For the exam each student was assigned a text from their book that they had to read, translate, and explain. They then had to “make up a situation” based on a few vocabulary words and talk about a randomly assigned subject. While most of the students did very well, but there were a few (the ones who normally sit in the back of the classroom) that did not, and then it was just painful to watch. They could complete the reading part well enough because they have all been thoroughly trained in phonetics, but when it came time to engage in translation or innovation, they just sat their in silence while Lazzat and I tried desperately to get them started with leading questions. Still, that exam was hardly the most frustrating moment of the week.
On Tuesday, I was scheduled to give a test to my K1D group, but the classroom I normally use was full of another group of students taking an exam. Not knowing where else to go, I brought everyone to “my classroom” that while small, still managed to hold everyone. We were ten minutes into the test when Lazzat came in and told us that the room was the “methodological classroom” where only groups of 20 people or fewer could have a class, and thus my group of 23 would have to leave. We managed to quickly find another classroom, and the students finished the exam, but afterwards I went back to ask Lazzat why we had to move. She said that the methodological classroom was special and needed to be kept clean and as unused as possible because that was where they put on the show when a supervisor or inspector came to look at the school. Then for good measure, she told me that even though it is -20 degrees outside and freezing inside, I should have my students should take off their coats before coming to class because it looks bad. I probably got a little more mad than I should, after all this was just another typical example of the Kazak custom of putting style over substance.
As often as I am impressed by the Kazakstan education system, there are times when I feel that they are more interested in the appearance of learning than actual learning. It is water under the bridge at this point, and I know while my teaching is important, my role as cultural ambassador is even more important. Thus, in the name of building bridges between nations, I will continue to smile, nod, and go to every little secondary school English show that my counterpart drags me to, but all the while I will wonder whether they might be making even more progress in English if they were back in class.
Op-Ed Response
January 23, 2008
A few days ago I read an op-ed in the New York Times by RPCV and former country director Robert Strauss. Mr. Strauss was praising the Peace Corps new initiative to increase the number of volunteers over the age of 50. There was much about the article that I liked, but there was also a lot that I disagreed with, and so I wrote the following response.
I am a current Peace Corps Volunteer teaching English in Kazakstan and am writing in response to the recent piece by Robert Straus on the current Peace Corps initiative to raise the number of Volunteers 50 years old and over. I would just like to say that while Mr. Straus makes an excellent point about the need for volunteers with extensive life and work experience, but he is greatly mistaken in regards to his remarks about younger volunteers. I am one of the “recently minted” volunteers that Mr. Strauss spoke of so derisively, and while I have only been in country a few months and thus cannot speak for my own impact, I have already seen ample evidence of the difference that past volunteers in my area, all under the age of 30 at their time of service, have made in my area. Mr. Straus is correct that there are many university trained English teachers in Kazakstan, but these teachers usually lack something that is much more fundamental than a university diploma, fluency. The value of a native English speaker in the classroom cannot be underestimated, especially considering that there are many university trained English Teachers that teach almost totally in Kazak or Russian and can barely speak English themselves. To be sure, if a country like Cameroon stops asking for English teachers, by all means, stop sending them. However, when a country still wants and needs qualified English teachers, why not send energetic, enthusiastic young people? Especially given the fact that with all of the extra-curricular activities demanded by graduate schools and programs today, few university students graduate with absolutely no teaching experience.
As for assessment, while it may not be scientific, a person can see the difference that the volunteers have made just by walking down the street. Every English teacher that I have met who has had the opportunity to work with a Peace Corps Volunteer speaks phenomenally better English than one who has not worked with one, unless of course they studied in England or America. Mr. Straus should remember that a volunteer often makes the biggest impact not with working with students necessarily, but with working with teachers. By practicing English and building friendships with their host country counterparts, volunteers have a chance to truly make a sustainable difference in their community. The volunteer only has the opportunity to reach students over a two year period, but the teachers they work with will continue to use their improved English to help students become skilled in the language years after the volunteer has returned to America. A person does not need an advanced degree or work experience to make such a difference, all they need is a lot of energy and an eagerness to help and to get to know another culture and community. These are traits that younger volunteers have in spades and can give them an edge over older or more experienced volunteers who are more set in their ways and worldview. I do not say this to detract from the value that older volunteers bring to the Peace Corps, and as I said earlier, the current Peace Corps initiative is laudable. But rather than replacing younger volunteers with older ones, why not just increase the numbers of both types of volunteers? After all, if the Peace Corps is going to achieve its mission and Kennedy’s dream, it needs the skills of both groups, not just one or the other.
A few days ago I read an op-ed in the New York Times by RPCV and former country director Robert Strauss. Mr. Strauss was praising the Peace Corps new initiative to increase the number of volunteers over the age of 50. There was much about the article that I liked, but there was also a lot that I disagreed with, and so I wrote the following response.
I am a current Peace Corps Volunteer teaching English in Kazakstan and am writing in response to the recent piece by Robert Straus on the current Peace Corps initiative to raise the number of Volunteers 50 years old and over. I would just like to say that while Mr. Straus makes an excellent point about the need for volunteers with extensive life and work experience, but he is greatly mistaken in regards to his remarks about younger volunteers. I am one of the “recently minted” volunteers that Mr. Strauss spoke of so derisively, and while I have only been in country a few months and thus cannot speak for my own impact, I have already seen ample evidence of the difference that past volunteers in my area, all under the age of 30 at their time of service, have made in my area. Mr. Straus is correct that there are many university trained English teachers in Kazakstan, but these teachers usually lack something that is much more fundamental than a university diploma, fluency. The value of a native English speaker in the classroom cannot be underestimated, especially considering that there are many university trained English Teachers that teach almost totally in Kazak or Russian and can barely speak English themselves. To be sure, if a country like Cameroon stops asking for English teachers, by all means, stop sending them. However, when a country still wants and needs qualified English teachers, why not send energetic, enthusiastic young people? Especially given the fact that with all of the extra-curricular activities demanded by graduate schools and programs today, few university students graduate with absolutely no teaching experience.
As for assessment, while it may not be scientific, a person can see the difference that the volunteers have made just by walking down the street. Every English teacher that I have met who has had the opportunity to work with a Peace Corps Volunteer speaks phenomenally better English than one who has not worked with one, unless of course they studied in England or America. Mr. Straus should remember that a volunteer often makes the biggest impact not with working with students necessarily, but with working with teachers. By practicing English and building friendships with their host country counterparts, volunteers have a chance to truly make a sustainable difference in their community. The volunteer only has the opportunity to reach students over a two year period, but the teachers they work with will continue to use their improved English to help students become skilled in the language years after the volunteer has returned to America. A person does not need an advanced degree or work experience to make such a difference, all they need is a lot of energy and an eagerness to help and to get to know another culture and community. These are traits that younger volunteers have in spades and can give them an edge over older or more experienced volunteers who are more set in their ways and worldview. I do not say this to detract from the value that older volunteers bring to the Peace Corps, and as I said earlier, the current Peace Corps initiative is laudable. But rather than replacing younger volunteers with older ones, why not just increase the numbers of both types of volunteers? After all, if the Peace Corps is going to achieve its mission and Kennedy’s dream, it needs the skills of both groups, not just one or the other.
пятница, 18 января 2008 г.
A Different Kind of Peer Pressure
January 18, 2008
A Different Kind of Peer Pressure
In the past five months that I have been living in Kazakstan, I have come to realize that while peer pressure is definitely universal, the things that one is pressured to do varies widely depending on the country or culture you are interacting with. For example, in America, I, as was the case with most people my age, was most often pressured to drink or use drugs, but here in Kazakstan the biggest pressure is to get married. A person is pressured in two ways, the obvious and aggressive pressure that you encounter when meeting new people, and the more subtle pressure that a person feels on a daily basis. The obvious pressure that I refer to is the fact that the fourth question that every Kazak asks you when you are introduced is whether or not you are married, and if you answer no, then the fifth question is why not. Sometimes, such as in the case wirh my Kazak tutor, the aggressive peer pressure never stops. In the past five months I believe that we have had at least 15 conversations where she mentioned that I should get married soon. She was 18 and her husband was 22 when they got married, so I can see where she is coming from, but still it is somewhat strange to be so strongly encouraged to head to the altar. I imagine that this pressure is even worse for female volunteers, who at 22-28 years old are in serious danger of becoming old maids from the Kazak perspective.
Thankfully this overt pressure to find a wife is not that common, more often one simply faces more subtle pressure that comes from the fact that almost every person my age in this country is married and has a kid. It is hard to form friendships with host country nationals my age when they are unable to go to the cafe and hang out after work because they have to go home and cook dinner or pick up the kids from school. A recent article in the NY Times discussed how marriage and having kids can effect friendships and it is definitely true. My closest friends here in Kyzylorda are definitely the other volunteers, not only because we speak the same language, but because we are all single. My collegues are all nice people, especially the few men that I work with, but they have a whole other set of issues to deal with, and most of time it is couples hanging out with each other, it is fairly rare to see a group of guys my age out for a quick beer at the café without their wives. Forget about being a fifth wheel, I am not sure it is even possible to connect yourself to the friendship wagon if you are single. That said, it has only been a few months, and I have already made a few local friends so I am not that worried. Still, I have to admit that I never thought that an obstacle to integrating into the community and making friends would be my marital status.
A Different Kind of Peer Pressure
In the past five months that I have been living in Kazakstan, I have come to realize that while peer pressure is definitely universal, the things that one is pressured to do varies widely depending on the country or culture you are interacting with. For example, in America, I, as was the case with most people my age, was most often pressured to drink or use drugs, but here in Kazakstan the biggest pressure is to get married. A person is pressured in two ways, the obvious and aggressive pressure that you encounter when meeting new people, and the more subtle pressure that a person feels on a daily basis. The obvious pressure that I refer to is the fact that the fourth question that every Kazak asks you when you are introduced is whether or not you are married, and if you answer no, then the fifth question is why not. Sometimes, such as in the case wirh my Kazak tutor, the aggressive peer pressure never stops. In the past five months I believe that we have had at least 15 conversations where she mentioned that I should get married soon. She was 18 and her husband was 22 when they got married, so I can see where she is coming from, but still it is somewhat strange to be so strongly encouraged to head to the altar. I imagine that this pressure is even worse for female volunteers, who at 22-28 years old are in serious danger of becoming old maids from the Kazak perspective.
Thankfully this overt pressure to find a wife is not that common, more often one simply faces more subtle pressure that comes from the fact that almost every person my age in this country is married and has a kid. It is hard to form friendships with host country nationals my age when they are unable to go to the cafe and hang out after work because they have to go home and cook dinner or pick up the kids from school. A recent article in the NY Times discussed how marriage and having kids can effect friendships and it is definitely true. My closest friends here in Kyzylorda are definitely the other volunteers, not only because we speak the same language, but because we are all single. My collegues are all nice people, especially the few men that I work with, but they have a whole other set of issues to deal with, and most of time it is couples hanging out with each other, it is fairly rare to see a group of guys my age out for a quick beer at the café without their wives. Forget about being a fifth wheel, I am not sure it is even possible to connect yourself to the friendship wagon if you are single. That said, it has only been a few months, and I have already made a few local friends so I am not that worried. Still, I have to admit that I never thought that an obstacle to integrating into the community and making friends would be my marital status.
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